WTF is wrong with him?

My inlaws want to come visit after baby is born. Fine.

I prefer them NOT to come while I'm still in the hospital and usually request 2 weeks after baby is born. I have never yet actually GOTTEN 2 weeks.
It's like these people think these babies are dropped off by the friggin' stork and aren't actually coming out of MY BODY.
Better yet, it will be at Christmas!!! AND they've invited BIL AND SIL to come too. To my house. MY HOUSE. What part of this makes sense?! I don't think BIL and SIL will actually come, at least not without clearing it with us. But, so soon after a baby, my gawd. The thought of entertaining, and at Christmas too, is daunting - to say the least. The no sleeping-round the clock nursing-physically unable to sit or stand comfortably-don't want to get dressed and wear makeup for you people-stage is not that short. I need a month, minimum, before I even start to feel like facing the world again.
Shit.
And now we're already fighting because he doesn't think his parents should have to stay in a hotel. F that. I will be as gracious a host as I possibly can, but they are taking their happy asses to a hotel.
If they can't afford it (they can) they can cut their trip short. I've already sent them a list of hotels that they will find acceptable (i.e. cheap and close).

I'm through bending over backwards. I'm the one having this baby, I'm not going to take this shit anymore. What is wrong with AnonHim that he forgets this conversation EVERY TIME WE HAVE A BABY. 4th time around and he's all - it's not that bad.

Of course, he's never had an 8 and a half pound baby rip apart his body, so what the hell does he know. This is a fight I'm prepared to win. They will be staying in a hotel. Period.

I kind of hate them. Why can't they just leave me alone for a few weeks? That's all I ask.

And just who the hell is going to cook Christmas dinner? F*ck.

Man, I'm crabby.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am in such a crabby mood lately.
I'm going to spew my hate right here.

My family is annoying me. They call to talk about themselves. They don't email back. They don't acknowledge thoughtful gifts. They act like they know it all when I know that they don't REALLY have a clue what it's like.
Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who isn't completely self centered. (and I realize this blog does not reflect that. lol)
Perhaps because most of them don't have kids? I don't know.

I'm still raging inside over my inlaws visit. I mean, they brought me a parenting book! They act put out when I take back MY crying child or don't do what they want. What planet are we living on that grandparents think they're so much more important than parents?!

They have spent years making me feel not good enough, and slinging polite insults my way and then they wonder why I seem so uncomfortable around them. I am not a cold person. I am a warm and nice and thoughtful person who will go out of my way to help other people. But I've been pushed too far. Finally. And I CAN hold a grudge.

And yet, I still waver between wishing things were better and wondering how to make that happen and just not giving a shit.

There are days when I am melancholy and down about not living near family. Wishing I had some support, more help and an ear to listen. But would family bring that?
Some maybe, but not others.

It just seems like it's not supposed to be this way. Families need help!

When my mil points out that "Well, *I* did it with 4 kids!" I want to smack her. For one thing, her kids were spaced much differently than mine. Her oldest was SIX when the twins were born and the twins were 2.5 when the baby was born. I have NO DOUBT that it was still hard. Parenting is ALWAYS hard.
However, she lived within a mile of both sets of grandparents, several aunts and uncles and a couple of her siblings. They never had to hire a babysitter or travel 16 hours in the car to visit family.
You can't tell me that doesn't make a difference.

It annoys her that I don't talk to her or complain about how hard it is so that she can point out that she did it and survived. For one thing, she never has one nice thing to say about her kids early years. It's always about how bad they were, how hard it was, how she did it ALL. For another, I don't complain about my kids that much. (don't laugh)
Yes, it's hard. Yes, it can be frustrating and infuriating and soul sucking.
But I chose this. I love my kids and enjoy them a lot. I want to remember these years with some kind of fondness and not just misery.

I realize this rant makes absolutely no sense. It's not coherent or well written. However, now I feel better.

/rant

omg

My mil just added me and my husband as a friend on face book. Holy shit.

The IL thing

Here's the thing. I don't think my inlaws like me and I wish they would. Maybe I shouldn't care, but they are the parents of Anonymous Him and the grandparents of Eenie, Meenie and Miney and I want them to like me.

Perhaps I'm wrong and they're fine with me. Maybe I'm paranoid. I don't know.
Maybe MIL doesn't mean to be mean. Maybe she's just thoughtless sometimes and I take it too personally. Maybe they disagree with the way we, or I, parent. Maybe they are mad about something I don't even remember or know about.

I don't know.

I do know this: They are not bad people.
On the contrary, they are very good people. And that is one of the reasons that it hurts when I feel that they don't care for me. I feel like I've always been nice to them. If it weren't for me, Anonymous Him wouldn't EVER call them, would NEVER remember their birthdays and probably would have a much different life than the one we have now.
I send them pictures, updates and welcome them when they visit. And if I cringe and whinge and whine about them here, it's a vent. I don't think they feel as if I don't want them here. IF they do, it's not my intention. It is hard for me to act normal when I feel like I have to walk on eggshells.

I need this place to vent about ridiculous things. Things that hurt me. Things that make me mad or confuse me.
There's no doubt that there is tension between us but I don't know where or when it started. Nor do I know how to make it better. When I say that I'm trying to get them to like me, it's not because I want to trick or fool them. It's because I actually WANT them to LIKE ME!!
Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do.

So, even though the chances they have found this blog are slim to NONE, I thought I should just explain the way it is...

weird

I just got an email from mil saying they aren't coming. Now I am paranoid wondering if they found this blog.

I mean, really, I LIKE getting emails from them. I really do. I swear.

The inlaws

Are coming to visit Friday and staying 3 nights. It's been a long, bad week already and it's only Tuesday. I really wish they would stay in a hotel or something, but I know they won't. I'm not really looking forward to this but I'm still hoping it will go well.
I've been trying to get MIL to like me more lately, doing things like responding to the ridiculous email forwards she sends me and acting like I care. (I am mean, I know that sounds bad, but these are such dumb emails. How many different ways can you pose a cat?!?!)
Let's see if it paid off.



Weeeeeeee!!! Here we go!

ARGH!

Oh goodness, it's good to be home.
My mil is a pill and a pain. My fil isn't much better right now, in my book. Don't even get me started on my sister and brother in law.
All I can say is, thank you for the almost 1000 miles that separates us.

MIL:
The sighs, the innuendos about us not spending enough time there and spending too much with my sister, the overheard remarks about her seeing Miney ONLY 4 times and he's ALREADY 6 months old (we came there 2 of those times.)
The pushing of sugar and candy on my kids who are SICK and NOT interested. Fine, offer them a cookie - you're a grandma after all! BUT AT BREAKFAST? When they're happily eating cereal and eggs? WHY?!!!
Oh, then the comments about how Meenie is soooo MOODY. (Sick + sugar + not enough sleep + 19 months old = moody. Who knew?! ha)
The terrible cooking, the passive aggressive comments about everything, the perceived slights where there were none. ARGH!
As usual, MIL tried to parent the kids. To make it worse, she does things that I don't do and she KNOWS I don't approve of. She pits them against each other, she tries to scare them and she jumps in when I already have things under control. She is notorious with her own kids because she regularly locked them in the closet when she was on the phone. (as in linen closet. on the shelves. NOT a big closet.)
She wonders why we will never leave the kids with them, or let them stay a week and spend the night, but she has actually slapped Eenie's hand in the past, after I was specific that we don't do that. I have no doubt whatsoever that she would spank them if she felt if necessary and then I might have to strangle her.
If they were HER kids, that would be fine, but these are MY kids. Our kids, our way.

FIL:
Ack, the baptism stuff. I'm so furious over this that I was almost in tears when Anonhim told me. We spent a lot of money and went to a LOT of trouble to get there and then found we were deliberately misled. I am so disappointed. Not only because he didn't baptise Miney, but because he KNEW he wouldn't and didn't tell us. AND because he's always been the level headed one who balanced MIL out, but more and more I feel that he doesn't care for me or the way we do things and is letting her getting away with things that he wouldn't have in the past. With no anchor, how bad will she get?
He also seemed rather disapproving about the way we discipline (i.e. don't spank) our kids. I can take disapproval, but I would prefer that it come with silence and respect.

Sister and BIL:
My sister and bil must be miserable. They fight constantly. They are mean to each other and scream, yell and berate their sweet, sweet girls all the time. They have no patience and I have NEVER seen them play with their kids. They get mad about EVERYTHING and their girls are going to rebel in a big way someday. I fear for their teenage years.
Every time I leave there, I feel like crying. What can I do?
If I said anything they would be furious with me and possibly never speak to me again. It stresses me out just being around them. They honestly fight constantly. Constantly.
Picture it:
We're all going to church. About 30 minutes before we have to leave sister puts 2 older girls (3 & 6) in shower. Yells at them constantly to hurry up. Dries them off, screams to brush teeth. Dresses them, spanks oldest because she doesn't want to wear those shoes. Gives in anyway and lets her wear the shoes that she wants to wear. (Not sure why it's a big deal, just let her wear the damn shoes!) BIL is cussing at them to hurry the hell up all the time. Their very long hair is wet and he screams at sister for not drying it and drags crying girls to bathroom to blow dry hair. Threatens to "beat their asses" if they don't quit crying.
(This is the point Anonhim and I left before I punched them both in the face.)
My mother said that after we left bil said that if their kids were going to be bad while we were there, we wouldn't be invited back anymore.

I swear, what the hell can I do? I think they are awful parents and if that was just a dark, dark moment I could excuse it. That is an everyday occurrence. I can't even describe the tone of their voices. I had a knot in my stomach the whole time. Their poor kids. They are sweet, good, girls and I fear that have been, and are being, scarred.

If I lived closer 2 things would definitely happen:

1. I would offer to watch their girls whenever possible and show them how they ought to be treated.
2. I would probably let my sister and her husband have it and/or smack some sense into them and they would never speak to me again.
   

And so it begins...

MIL wants Meenie to SLEEP WITH THEM when we visit.

Uh.

What?

ack!

We're going to visit the inlaws soon!!! ACK! ACK! ACK!

There's so much potential for things that could cheese MIL off that it's hard to think of anything else when I think of the visit.
Us spending time with my sister will certainly annoy her. Politics is most definitely OFF limits. Preschool is out most likely - last time she told me how lazy mothers who stay home are always so eager to send their kids to other people. (AFTER I told her I was thinking of signing up Eenie for preschool. ) *sigh*
Meenie's paci will likely lead to some annoying conversations, as will any potty accidents Eenie has and Miney's refusal to take a bottle. I can only hope and pray they are good in church (they won't be.) or I will have to hear comments about that too.
I will likely have to listen to rants on her job that she loves to complain about, people she loves to gossip about and all the things she's done right and everyone else has done wrong. I will probably also have to hear about approximately 4 people who have "gotten fat" and 3 of her friends who have grand kids who are allowed to spend the night ALL THE TIME and how great it is for THEM and they don't MISS OUT on ANYTHING. Subtle.

On the plus side, if I don't go crazy with rage or boredom, I will have plenty to blog about when I get back. On the minus side, we don't leave here till the 21st and that means it's close enough to worry about but too far away to be almost over.

My MIL pisses me off

Comment left on Meenie's baby website:

Hey you goofy little sweet boy. We like your pictures better without that lifesaver in your mouth. We can see your happy smile better. Wish we were there spoiling you. Love you,
-Grandma W------

She constantly mentions him using a paci. He's only 18 months old for crying out loud!! (oh, and when she's here, she is constantly pulling it out of his mouth. Resulting in him screaming - which is WHY he has it to begin with. I'll deal with it when he gets a little older, but right now, let it be!)

Then, this.

We are traveling to TX for Miney's baptism. We really wanted to do it at home (AL) so that our friends could be there and we could have a party at our home afterwards. However, the godparents (military) couldn't travel that far AND if we do it in TX my FIL (who is studying to be a deacon) can baptise Miney. We thought that was pretty special.

So, we are traveling to Texas even though it will be a pain in the booty. Annnnnyway, my sister lives in the same town and she offered to have a little party for everyone afterwards at their new house. She just had a new baby (3rd) and works full time and they're pretty busy, but she really wants to do this.
No one else said anything about other plans, so I told her yes and she was so excited. I emailed MIL & FIL today and my bil's and sil's telling them about it so they wouldn't make other plans.

MIL just emailed me back (ME only, not cc'ing AnonHim, FIL or bil's and sil's) saying that she was thinking of doing a party too at (surprise, surprise) the same time. AND that it would be better because all of the family could see us and blah blah. But, she guesses she could do it on Sunday instead. (this is her m.o. - passive aggressive city)

Ugh.

My nerves are already shot from thinking about the stress of this trip and every little thing she says is tying a tighter knot in my stomach.

The inlaws

1 - Passive aggressive comments about how preschool is for LAZY parents, AFTER I've told you that we're sending Eenie in the spring - not appreciated.

2 - Rude comments about how Head Start is for poor people who don't want to take care of their kids - hurtful - since I just told you that I went to Head Start when I was 4. Poor? Yes we were. I guess we didn't deserve the jumpstart on our education.

3 - Hovering over every diaper change, grabbing things out of my hands and insisting that you can do it better? Annoying. As. Hell.

4 - Your indecision about what to do each day was maddening, until we made suggestions of what we'd like to do. Then, your decision to do the opposite of what we wanted was just annoying, especially since it ended with us having to trek around with 3 littles, in the rain.

5 - Your "cutesy" voice and made up words? Not cute. You're 56 years old. Grow up.

6 - Your comments about Anonymous Him's weight (he's weighed almost the same since high school) were mean. Not to mention he is in fabulous shape and you are fat. WTH?

7 - Your passive aggressive comments have to stop. If you want to say something, just fucking say it.

8 - The way you talk to the kids is just wrong. You are the grandmother, not the mother. I will take care of discipline and such. After all, I'm right here. YOU can spoil them, play with them, whatever. Do not tell my 3 year old not to run away at the zoo because some of the animals might EAT HIM.

9 - Please do not visit again for a few months. I don't know if I can take it.

Annoyed or Pleased?

I'm simultaneously annoyed and relieved that Anonymous Him managed to get half a day off on Friday. Annoyed because he hasn't had a SINGLE day off, including weekends, for a month. Relieved because he will be here while his parents are.
I think I'm more pleased than annoyed.

Stay tuned for annoying MIL comments. There will be many.

The inlaws

are coming tomorrow. I am not thrilled about this.

They are getting a motel and a rental car, since we only have one, and a small apartment. They didn't really want to, but I made Anonymous Him insist upon it.
Anonymous Him is working so much. Today will be the first day in a month that he'll be home before 6PM. He left around 5:30 this morning.

So, maybe my inlaws will behave this time. I'll let you know.