I don't know what's wrong with me, but I am in such a crabby mood lately.
I'm going to spew my hate right here.
My family is annoying me. They call to talk about themselves. They don't email back. They don't acknowledge thoughtful gifts. They act like they know it all when I know that they don't REALLY have a clue what it's like.
Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who isn't completely self centered. (and I realize this blog does not reflect that. lol)
Perhaps because most of them don't have kids? I don't know.
I'm still raging inside over my inlaws visit. I mean, they brought me a parenting book! They act put out when I take back MY crying child or don't do what they want. What planet are we living on that grandparents think they're so much more important than parents?!
They have spent years making me feel not good enough, and slinging polite insults my way and then they wonder why I seem so uncomfortable around them. I am not a cold person. I am a warm and nice and thoughtful person who will go out of my way to help other people. But I've been pushed too far. Finally. And I CAN hold a grudge.
And yet, I still waver between wishing things were better and wondering how to make that happen and just not giving a shit.
There are days when I am melancholy and down about not living near family. Wishing I had some support, more help and an ear to listen. But would family bring that?
Some maybe, but not others.
It just seems like it's not supposed to be this way. Families need help!
When my mil points out that "Well, *I* did it with 4 kids!" I want to smack her. For one thing, her kids were spaced much differently than mine. Her oldest was SIX when the twins were born and the twins were 2.5 when the baby was born. I have NO DOUBT that it was still hard. Parenting is ALWAYS hard.
However, she lived within a mile of both sets of grandparents, several aunts and uncles and a couple of her siblings. They never had to hire a babysitter or travel 16 hours in the car to visit family.
You can't tell me that doesn't make a difference.
It annoys her that I don't talk to her or complain about how hard it is so that she can point out that she did it and survived. For one thing, she never has one nice thing to say about her kids early years. It's always about how bad they were, how hard it was, how she did it ALL. For another, I don't complain about my kids that much. (don't laugh)
Yes, it's hard. Yes, it can be frustrating and infuriating and soul sucking.
But I chose this. I love my kids and enjoy them a lot. I want to remember these years with some kind of fondness and not just misery.
I realize this rant makes absolutely no sense. It's not coherent or well written. However, now I feel better.
/rant
