February has really sucked ass. I feel like I'm losing it. I'm short with the kids, who have been constantly sick and whiny. It's not THEIR fault that they're sick, but dammit - my patience is totally gone, gone, GONE.
I don't want to play with them. I don't even feel like making them dinner, since they never eat it. I spend too much time on the computer. I let the laundry pile up because I can hide it in the closet, unlike the dishes, which annoy the crap out of me and so I do those obsessively.
I've eaten 2 boxes of GS cookies THIS WEEK and that is pathetic and sad. *sigh* I've barely exercised in days and I have eaten too much in my pity party. That makes me feel even worse, which makes me want to say "To Hell with it!" and eat whatever the hell I want.
I hate winter. I hate having sick kids. I hate not leaving the house for anything fun for weeks on end. I hate wanting to lose weight but not having enough motivation to PUT DOWN THE COOKIES... I need a break. I need a break. I need a break.
I'm going to go make myself work out now, and take advantage of some endorphins. But I really don't want to. I'd rather sit on the couch in a lump and watch TV.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
some people's kids
OK - I have this friend who I really like and I think we could be really good friends. So far, I've only known her about 6 months. She has 2 kids the same age and gender as my 2 oldest.
She's also a LOT of fun. However, she NEVER watches her kids. Like, ever.
They destroy everything and she just laughs. They don't listen to her at all. They aren't bad kids, they are just allowed to do whatever they want. I shouldn't say WHATEVER they want, I guess she's just more lenient than me. (And I am not very strict.)
It's to the point where I don't want to do anything with her kids, or have them over. My house is a disaster after they leave and I can't even focus when they're here because they aren't disciplined at all. I hate to have to give up this budding friendship because of this.
I know we could just go out together without kids, but that seriously doesn't happen very often.
She's also a LOT of fun. However, she NEVER watches her kids. Like, ever.
They destroy everything and she just laughs. They don't listen to her at all. They aren't bad kids, they are just allowed to do whatever they want. I shouldn't say WHATEVER they want, I guess she's just more lenient than me. (And I am not very strict.)
It's to the point where I don't want to do anything with her kids, or have them over. My house is a disaster after they leave and I can't even focus when they're here because they aren't disciplined at all. I hate to have to give up this budding friendship because of this.
I know we could just go out together without kids, but that seriously doesn't happen very often.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
babybabybabybaby
Why is it that when you tentatively decide to try for another baby your brain flips out? You can't think about anything but BABY! and BABY! And even though you don't want a December baby AND you want to lost 15 more lbs you think about doing rash things, like not using protection. (but you do anyway...) Or not dieting because you're just going to get fat again. (but you keep doing it anyway...)
BABY!!!
URgh! Knock it off brain!! Er, I mean... not that that's happened to ME! I'm just saying...
BABY!!!
URgh! Knock it off brain!! Er, I mean... not that that's happened to ME! I'm just saying...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Baby thing
If you had a friend who had experienced multiple pregnancy losses and desperately wanted another baby, how you would you tell her YOU were pregnant??
I am NOT pregnant, but I have a feeling that in a few months I could be and I realized I'm hesitating, in part, because I don't want to hurt her by getting pregnant before she has a healthy pregnancy.
She is a VERY VERY GOOD friend and I would do anything not to hurt her. She reads over at "the other place" so she knows we are thinking of having another baby. But, when it happens, how do I tell her without breaking her heart?
She's extremely sensitive to pregnancy announcements lately, and I don't blame her. I just don't want to hurt her.
WWYD?
I am NOT pregnant, but I have a feeling that in a few months I could be and I realized I'm hesitating, in part, because I don't want to hurt her by getting pregnant before she has a healthy pregnancy.
She is a VERY VERY GOOD friend and I would do anything not to hurt her. She reads over at "the other place" so she knows we are thinking of having another baby. But, when it happens, how do I tell her without breaking her heart?
She's extremely sensitive to pregnancy announcements lately, and I don't blame her. I just don't want to hurt her.
WWYD?
The IL thing
Here's the thing. I don't think my inlaws like me and I wish they would. Maybe I shouldn't care, but they are the parents of Anonymous Him and the grandparents of Eenie, Meenie and Miney and I want them to like me.
Perhaps I'm wrong and they're fine with me. Maybe I'm paranoid. I don't know.
Maybe MIL doesn't mean to be mean. Maybe she's just thoughtless sometimes and I take it too personally. Maybe they disagree with the way we, or I, parent. Maybe they are mad about something I don't even remember or know about.
I don't know.
I do know this: They are not bad people.
On the contrary, they are very good people. And that is one of the reasons that it hurts when I feel that they don't care for me. I feel like I've always been nice to them. If it weren't for me, Anonymous Him wouldn't EVER call them, would NEVER remember their birthdays and probably would have a much different life than the one we have now.
I send them pictures, updates and welcome them when they visit. And if I cringe and whinge and whine about them here, it's a vent. I don't think they feel as if I don't want them here. IF they do, it's not my intention. It is hard for me to act normal when I feel like I have to walk on eggshells.
I need this place to vent about ridiculous things. Things that hurt me. Things that make me mad or confuse me.
There's no doubt that there is tension between us but I don't know where or when it started. Nor do I know how to make it better. When I say that I'm trying to get them to like me, it's not because I want to trick or fool them. It's because I actually WANT them to LIKE ME!!
Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do.
So, even though the chances they have found this blog are slim to NONE, I thought I should just explain the way it is...
Perhaps I'm wrong and they're fine with me. Maybe I'm paranoid. I don't know.
Maybe MIL doesn't mean to be mean. Maybe she's just thoughtless sometimes and I take it too personally. Maybe they disagree with the way we, or I, parent. Maybe they are mad about something I don't even remember or know about.
I don't know.
I do know this: They are not bad people.
On the contrary, they are very good people. And that is one of the reasons that it hurts when I feel that they don't care for me. I feel like I've always been nice to them. If it weren't for me, Anonymous Him wouldn't EVER call them, would NEVER remember their birthdays and probably would have a much different life than the one we have now.
I send them pictures, updates and welcome them when they visit. And if I cringe and whinge and whine about them here, it's a vent. I don't think they feel as if I don't want them here. IF they do, it's not my intention. It is hard for me to act normal when I feel like I have to walk on eggshells.
I need this place to vent about ridiculous things. Things that hurt me. Things that make me mad or confuse me.
There's no doubt that there is tension between us but I don't know where or when it started. Nor do I know how to make it better. When I say that I'm trying to get them to like me, it's not because I want to trick or fool them. It's because I actually WANT them to LIKE ME!!
Maybe I shouldn't care, but I do.
So, even though the chances they have found this blog are slim to NONE, I thought I should just explain the way it is...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
weird
I just got an email from mil saying they aren't coming. Now I am paranoid wondering if they found this blog.
I mean, really, I LIKE getting emails from them. I really do. I swear.
I mean, really, I LIKE getting emails from them. I really do. I swear.
The inlaws
Are coming to visit Friday and staying 3 nights. It's been a long, bad week already and it's only Tuesday. I really wish they would stay in a hotel or something, but I know they won't. I'm not really looking forward to this but I'm still hoping it will go well.
I've been trying to get MIL to like me more lately, doing things like responding to the ridiculous email forwards she sends me and acting like I care. (I am mean, I know that sounds bad, but these are such dumb emails. How many different ways can you pose a cat?!?!)
Let's see if it paid off.
Weeeeeeee!!! Here we go!
I've been trying to get MIL to like me more lately, doing things like responding to the ridiculous email forwards she sends me and acting like I care. (I am mean, I know that sounds bad, but these are such dumb emails. How many different ways can you pose a cat?!?!)
Let's see if it paid off.
Weeeeeeee!!! Here we go!
Monday, February 2, 2009
update and hmmm
update:
No further word from Avoidance girl. Weekend plans got in the way I'm sure. I'm really just hoping that things are fine between us, and that's why the email is so long in coming. I can hope.
hmmmm, this morning I took a pregnancy test. It was negative.
I was a little disappointed even though we are actively trying NOT TO GET PG. hmmmm
No further word from Avoidance girl. Weekend plans got in the way I'm sure. I'm really just hoping that things are fine between us, and that's why the email is so long in coming. I can hope.
hmmmm, this morning I took a pregnancy test. It was negative.
I was a little disappointed even though we are actively trying NOT TO GET PG. hmmmm
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