Falling

February has really sucked ass. I feel like I'm losing it. I'm short with the kids, who have been constantly sick and whiny. It's not THEIR fault that they're sick, but dammit - my patience is totally gone, gone, GONE.
I don't want to play with them. I don't even feel like making them dinner, since they never eat it. I spend too much time on the computer. I let the laundry pile up because I can hide it in the closet, unlike the dishes, which annoy the crap out of me and so I do those obsessively.
I've eaten 2 boxes of GS cookies THIS WEEK and that is pathetic and sad. *sigh* I've barely exercised in days and I have eaten too much in my pity party. That makes me feel even worse, which makes me want to say "To Hell with it!" and eat whatever the hell I want.

I hate winter. I hate having sick kids. I hate not leaving the house for anything fun for weeks on end. I hate wanting to lose weight but not having enough motivation to PUT DOWN THE COOKIES... I need a break. I need a break. I need a break.

I'm going to go make myself work out now, and take advantage of some endorphins. But I really don't want to. I'd rather sit on the couch in a lump and watch TV.

ARGH!

Oh goodness, it's good to be home.
My mil is a pill and a pain. My fil isn't much better right now, in my book. Don't even get me started on my sister and brother in law.
All I can say is, thank you for the almost 1000 miles that separates us.

MIL:
The sighs, the innuendos about us not spending enough time there and spending too much with my sister, the overheard remarks about her seeing Miney ONLY 4 times and he's ALREADY 6 months old (we came there 2 of those times.)
The pushing of sugar and candy on my kids who are SICK and NOT interested. Fine, offer them a cookie - you're a grandma after all! BUT AT BREAKFAST? When they're happily eating cereal and eggs? WHY?!!!
Oh, then the comments about how Meenie is soooo MOODY. (Sick + sugar + not enough sleep + 19 months old = moody. Who knew?! ha)
The terrible cooking, the passive aggressive comments about everything, the perceived slights where there were none. ARGH!
As usual, MIL tried to parent the kids. To make it worse, she does things that I don't do and she KNOWS I don't approve of. She pits them against each other, she tries to scare them and she jumps in when I already have things under control. She is notorious with her own kids because she regularly locked them in the closet when she was on the phone. (as in linen closet. on the shelves. NOT a big closet.)
She wonders why we will never leave the kids with them, or let them stay a week and spend the night, but she has actually slapped Eenie's hand in the past, after I was specific that we don't do that. I have no doubt whatsoever that she would spank them if she felt if necessary and then I might have to strangle her.
If they were HER kids, that would be fine, but these are MY kids. Our kids, our way.

FIL:
Ack, the baptism stuff. I'm so furious over this that I was almost in tears when Anonhim told me. We spent a lot of money and went to a LOT of trouble to get there and then found we were deliberately misled. I am so disappointed. Not only because he didn't baptise Miney, but because he KNEW he wouldn't and didn't tell us. AND because he's always been the level headed one who balanced MIL out, but more and more I feel that he doesn't care for me or the way we do things and is letting her getting away with things that he wouldn't have in the past. With no anchor, how bad will she get?
He also seemed rather disapproving about the way we discipline (i.e. don't spank) our kids. I can take disapproval, but I would prefer that it come with silence and respect.

Sister and BIL:
My sister and bil must be miserable. They fight constantly. They are mean to each other and scream, yell and berate their sweet, sweet girls all the time. They have no patience and I have NEVER seen them play with their kids. They get mad about EVERYTHING and their girls are going to rebel in a big way someday. I fear for their teenage years.
Every time I leave there, I feel like crying. What can I do?
If I said anything they would be furious with me and possibly never speak to me again. It stresses me out just being around them. They honestly fight constantly. Constantly.
Picture it:
We're all going to church. About 30 minutes before we have to leave sister puts 2 older girls (3 & 6) in shower. Yells at them constantly to hurry up. Dries them off, screams to brush teeth. Dresses them, spanks oldest because she doesn't want to wear those shoes. Gives in anyway and lets her wear the shoes that she wants to wear. (Not sure why it's a big deal, just let her wear the damn shoes!) BIL is cussing at them to hurry the hell up all the time. Their very long hair is wet and he screams at sister for not drying it and drags crying girls to bathroom to blow dry hair. Threatens to "beat their asses" if they don't quit crying.
(This is the point Anonhim and I left before I punched them both in the face.)
My mother said that after we left bil said that if their kids were going to be bad while we were there, we wouldn't be invited back anymore.

I swear, what the hell can I do? I think they are awful parents and if that was just a dark, dark moment I could excuse it. That is an everyday occurrence. I can't even describe the tone of their voices. I had a knot in my stomach the whole time. Their poor kids. They are sweet, good, girls and I fear that have been, and are being, scarred.

If I lived closer 2 things would definitely happen:

1. I would offer to watch their girls whenever possible and show them how they ought to be treated.
2. I would probably let my sister and her husband have it and/or smack some sense into them and they would never speak to me again.
   

That can't be a good sign.

Urge to run from house screaming and never look back is increasing every day.

Patience has all but disappeared.

Feelings of despair cloud my mind.

I do believe I'm getting close to the end of my rope. I need to get home in a bad, bad way.