Anna asked what we should do about our anger? Indeed. What SHOULD we do?
Hell if I know.
Today hasn't been a good day, but I'm trying to take one thing at a time. I think, for me, the next step is recognizing my triggers. Seems there are few times of day and/or situations that really cause me to stress and sometimes lose it.
1 - Early evening. When AnonHim won't be home for 1-2 more hours and I'm trying to make dinner and the kids ALL want a snack, but it's too close to dinner and there is much screaming and chaos and why, oh why can't I get anything done and IS IT 5PM YET!? urgh! (and if AnonHim is late? Oh lordy.)
Unfortunately, this happens every single day. I am trying to find strategies to make this time less stressful.
2 - Being hit. I can't take it. I think it takes me back to being a child, and makes me feel out of control and I just cannot take it. I see red immediately. Luckily, this does not happen often.
3 - Being stressed in general. Anytime all 3 kids need something at once & the phone is ringing, the TV is blaring, the food is burning, etc - I start to feel trapped. This is a trigger if it starts to go on too long.
4 - Screaming. Meenie is at a stage where he will literally SCREECH like a banshee and it is ear piercing. I have actually gone to bed at night with headaches because of his screaming. I know it's a frustration issue as he's learning more and more words, but it is maddening. Luckily, with time, this will pass.
5 - Also, whining. Ugh. Who likes it though, right? Fit throwing from the eldest also goes into this. The boy knows how to push my buttons.
6 - Sleep issues. I clearly remember Eenie as a baby - he never slept. He was probably 10-ish months old when I experienced this rage the first time. I remember practically tossing him at husband, and running from the room. He had NEVER slept through the night (and didn't till he was 2.5years old) and was often up and down a dozen or more times a night. I had been patient so long, trusting that he would sleep through when he was ready. I remember the first time I lost it because I have never felt so small and so angry and so TERRIBLE in my life. How could I be mad at this baby? This little guy who I loved more than anything. I was sure that I was not meant to be a mother. Oh, the cruel dark of night, when everything seems hopeless.
If there's one thing I've learned about motherhood is that you can only control yourself. Sadly, I've also learned that I'm a bit of a control freak.
Now, what to do? Obviously, these things are not things that I can control.
Luckily, some of these things will go away on their own. (Probably though, they will only be replaced by other, equally enraging, things.)
So, what to do?
I'm trying to figure that out.
7 comments:
I think you have still done so much by acknowledging that this is something you want to work on and then doing this introspective exercise to see what bugs you. Also OMG the idea of having a child who doesn't sleep through the night until age two makes me want to die, right this second.
Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt too...
I think that's a good idea: noting the times that it's worst. I have trouble when everyone talks to me at once, interrupting each other and me. I also have trouble when the needs start to stack up: I always have a running list in my head of what I'm doing next and in what order, and if that list gets too long I start feeling self-pity rage, which is a very unpleasant type of rage indeed. The "why do I have to do everything for everyone? and why can't they all just leave me alone?" type.
I also find I lose it if I try to argue with my oldest child. This makes me worry about his teen years.
Homework is a trigger for me. Last night Brother, a big 7 year old second grader. Screamed. And cried. And wailed for TWO SOLID HOURS because he didn't want to write his spelling words. They are three letter words. Kill me.
I literally had to snatch my own hand right out of the air twice because I wanted to pop him upside the head to *give* him something to cry about. In the end, I decided to take a deep breath and combat his frustration with utter apathy. Oh? You are going to hold your breath until you pass out? Well, be sure not to break anything when you fall. What? You are going to throw up on purpose? Need a bucket? I don't want your notebooks ruined.
In the end, it was just a terrible terrible power struggle that had him going to bed an hour late. Thank GOD there are two parents to deal with it. I can feel your pain about having to deal with three little kids all by yourself. I can't even deal with one big kid by myself, sometimes. *Sigh*
I agree with everyone else, it's great that you are working on this.
1. Evenings are very tough. In some ways I'm glad that I tutor in the evenings/afternoons and Matt starts supper when he gets home. But after that it can be stressful for me.
2. Hit? I'm assuming by kids. I pray not by your husband.
6. Sleep issues make everyone cranky. I hope the other kids sleep better soon for you.
OH yes, hit by children. Never by husband.
Oh good. That's what I figured. I just started to worry when I saw that though. I completely understand. I get crazy when my son starts hitting. Grr. Luckily it's not too often.
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