And I still feel bitter.
Our Internet went out Friday night. I am addicted to the Internet. I can admit that, but it rubbed me the wrong way when Anonymous Him said I was. Just because I need it to keep in touch with people does not mean I can't survive without it. I CAN survive without it, but I don't think I should HAVE TO!
This was one of those fights that started small enough and could have been overcome by saying a few right things, or just shutting up. AnonHim was not smart that night. No sir. Instead, he said all the wrong things.
Things like -
You could cook and clean more instead of being online during the day.
You probably spend, like, an HOUR a day online. (poor, stupid man.)
You shouldn't be online AT ALL while I'm at work because if I'm working, you should be too.
There's more, but really - isn't that enough?
Does anyone else want to hurt him right now? I still feel bitter about the things he said.
I am so hurt. I have always been willing to do whatever it took to make things work, and to make him happy. I moved with him to Virginia, then to Alabama and we made a life together. I've always worked hard.
Now I've temporarily relocated to Seattle for him. I didn't WANT to do this. I never wanted to. I thought it would be a pain in the ass and horribly lonely.
He said it would be good for his career but we didn't have to do it. I said we should, even though I didn't want to. Now, here I am, miserable half the time and homesick all the time. So maybe I spend too much time online and talk to my friends and try to stay connected to someone.
He's working hard, admittedly. I've never questioned how hard he works.
That doesn't mean I don't work hard too. Just because I get to stay home and can nurse a baby and check email all at once doesn't mean I don't work too. I'd like to see him do that. (heh)
He hurt me. I felt completely unappreciated.
Let's not forget that dinner is on the table every night when he comes home. Often cold, because he can't tell time. The laundry could sit in the basket less time I suppose, but I hate laundry. It does get done. The kids are fed, the house is relatively clean and dammit - that's not the point!
I take care of our 3 children all day! If he wanted a maid and a cook then he should have hired one. I don't mind doing those things, but I certainly don't want to be told what to do.
Our oldest child is only 3.5 years old! If he expects the house to be pristine, then he's not thinking straight.
This fight is not over. I hate these things that drag on for days. Just because he insulted me and then rolled over and went to sleep does not mean it's over. Just because I got up and washed dishes and cried while he begged me to come back to bed does not mean anything is resolved.
I still feel bitter and I know it's going to come out. I don't want to feel this way. I want to feel happy and loved and loving and not irritated and bitter and full of sadness about the way this has turned out.
I often think how lucky I am and how much I love AnonHim and how awful my life would be without him. Then he does something stupid and I wonder if I even KNOW him, much less LOVE him!
12 comments:
I'm so tempted to get in my car and drive up there just to beat his ass.
What callous, insensitive, hurtful things to say. I hope he apologizes and MEANS it.
Wow. I would be furious. Does he not understand how hard what you do is? And how important it is to take time for yourself when you are spending all day taking care of three small children? I hope you guys are able to work through this soon, and that he is somehow able to FIGURE IT OUT.
I'm riding shotgun with Erica.
I hold a grudge and this would stay with me for a long, long, long time.
I really, really doubt he wants to get into a situation where you both have to be working at the same time. If he wants it that way, then he needs to start getting up in the middle of the night when you're nursing, and he can do housework during that time. Fair's fair. And then, on the weekends when you're taking care of kids and/or doing housework, he needs to be working too. And during the evening if you're attending to a child's needs, he needs to leap up and work too. Is that the way he wants things?
Also, you know where else you could find more cooking/cleaning time? The time you're currently spending having sex. Tell him sex is taking too much time away from cleaning.
Oh here is what you need to do. Don't do anything during the day-with the exception of taking care of your boys. Then when he gets home he'll ask what you did all day and you say nothing-this is what nothing looks like all day. Then he is to help you do the clean up. This will show him what you really do all day. Set him straight! Love ya girl!
Oh! Had another thought! What about all those times he's playing sports while you're working? If he really wants both of you to fill out time sheets on the time you spend working, I think he's going to find that you're doing way, WAY more work than he is.
Oh, honey... I've gotta say, sometimes your husband sounds like he just DOESN'T GET IT. Was he by any chance raised by some sort of I-wait-on-my-men, let me get you a drink and iron your boxers while I'm at it kind of mother? Because it sounds like he got his ideas of motherhood and wifeliness very skewed, and probably in his formative years, too.
Don't let this one go without talking it through. Sure, I often feel a little guilty for being online during the day, but hello, I am still WATCHING the kids, making sure they're changed, fed, entertained, safe, etc. I am still ON DUTY even if I'm not on the floor playing with them every second. A person cannot be giving one hundred percent all day long, and I guaran-damn-tee that he's not completely engaged in his work eight hours a day, either. That is a crock. Call him on it! And don't let him get exasperated and say something like, "Let's just drop it." Let him know that he called into question some very personal and hurtful things, and you have a right to hash it out.
I am so kicking his ass.
I may kick my own husband's ass just because.
He owes you a HUGE apology. And flowers. And diamonds. And a new laptop.
No man...should ever argue about stay at home moms. NEVER! They will lose. And they don't understand that we will band together. And! We will always win!
I thought of something else! Would he consider the sport he plays "an addiction" because he spends so much time doing it?
Listen, I'm on my way over. Obviously I feel like fighting with him myself when you're done with him.
Go Swistle! I was air arm-pumping at every comment!
What a horrible feeling, I really hope it gets resolved soon :)
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